I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
