Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Houston, we have a squirter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
