I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
