youre lurking in front of me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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