Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
