I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
