I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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