Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
