seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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