is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
