so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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