Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
