How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
