While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
