I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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