DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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