Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I enjoy the company of your penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
