Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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