Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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