Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i believe in u and ur pee
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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