i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize