you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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