Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Terrible idea I love it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize