Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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