Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
