just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize