how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
