i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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