the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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