yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
