sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
