You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
