he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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