i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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