remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
