when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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