the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm both gender and math confused
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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