I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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