Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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