I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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