I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You need Xanax blowdarts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
