I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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