so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
