but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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