they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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