I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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