Umm I'm too high to move.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize