Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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