Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
