I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
