Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
