youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it because I queefed?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
