I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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