I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
