I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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