At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
