shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
