I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
