I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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