Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
