What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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