Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize