Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
