Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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