would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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