OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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