In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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