Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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