six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
