thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
