one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
