And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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