It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
