sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize