the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
