Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just pee around me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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