He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
