We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
