I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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